Kamden Hilliard

the road less bloodied

forgetfulness is the same as forgiveness         is the only
thing i can say         this morning         which means someones
evil plan is working         or perhaps         not so evil         like
j baldwin says "To be a Negro         in this country
and to be relatively conscious         is to be in a rage
almost all the time"         and dude's got a point

i see two         ways to deal:         unnegro (v difficult)         or unconscious
(not v difficult) theres always drugs         or guns         no really
cross my heart and hope to         die         after all         being human
is being selfpreserved         which is also being         beige as possible
puttering down the world         with a special quietness

i remember being 13 and indestructible         wall breaking
with my fist         then ma said         THAT IS NIGGER SHIT         I
DID NOT RAISE YOU         THAT WAY
         which explains why
my home isnt an open sore         an incubus of riot         bubbling
across newspapers and shit         i would never get shot
by a police officer                  if he could hear my         telephone voice
or check my credit score (690, bitches)         or show him my
holy pallored pale god         but theres this awful and completely
true rumor         going round         that all police         are hard of hearing
any pleas or logic         my biggest fear         is that once         imma be like
HEY IM THE GOOD KIND OF BLACK and         all they'll hear is AY
IM BLACK         and all i'll hear is BANG BANG

i tried to         unnegro         but only ended up         a vacuum of memory
but thankfully         getting high is v chill         but can be         slightly
exhausting         but then again         everything is youtube and dummyhigh
till         your backyard is Ferguson, MO shaped         and dying
what would james say         about all this shit?         i dont know
by which i mean         i dont wanna know         which means         damn
cant i just         have some fucking cereal         and not feel morally obligated about
some shit?         my misshapen concern         is tired these days         all i want
is to maybe have some catfish         without some whitedude chuckling
or shooting me         that would be chill as fuck         i guess


Reasons I'm not a Cast(e)member
on Teen Wolf

1.
2.   then there's the whole black thing (being and all)
3.   then the whole black and not dead thing
4.   i'm not cut from marbles and lost
5.   my body is a feudal kingdom         a confused war
6.   i am a preposition sentence cap
7.   sometimes i say what i mean to
8.   i'm not tryna be killed         a stone on some whiteboy plotline mountain
9.   this skin is too                  for MTV conflict         that grass greener life swathed in light
10.   tl;dr my problems are not rotted right         there haven't been enough wavy white girls         to scar me marketable
11.   i don't live in California


Kamden Hilliard tries to study writing and psychology in New York. He succeeds. Sometimes. He is: a poor sleeper—recipient of fellowships from Callaloo, Lambda, and The Davidson Institute—contributor for Elite Daily and an avid hiker. He tries to keep busy. In the past he's been a poetry editor and editor-in-chief at The Adroit Journal, and other lovely places. His poems have appeared (or will appear) in *82 Review, Bodega, 2 Bridges Review, The Atlas Review, and other journals. If Kamden wasn't writing, he'd be very sad—or a scientist.